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I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
-- Arnold Palmer

I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
-- Gerald R. Ford

NBC - no body cares.
-- Jay Leno

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
-- Peter De Vries

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.
-- Richard Nixon

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what a tough week for the network. First, the false documents on President Bush's National Guard record and now this. CBS says they have learned their lesson: no more trying to expose boobs.
-- Bill Maher

Kid to his Dad as they watch TV: "Dad, tell me again how when you were my age you had to walk all the way across the room to change a channel."
-- Anonymous

On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.
-- Dan Spencer

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.
-- Marty Feldman

The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.
-- Jack Dee (on filming in Siberia, Mail On Sunday, 8 Dec 2002)

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-- Groucho Marx

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling cakes.
-- Jimmy Perry (On claims of problems whilst filming Dad's Army